Lelo Hugo and Bruno Prostate Massagers

The other week I looked at the first of Lelo‘s three new vibrating prostate massagers for men, the Loki, and today I’m going to be looking at the other two, the Hugo and the Bruno.
The Hugo and the Bruno are essentially the same product, except that the Hugo comes with the addition of a wireless remote, which is why I’ve chosen to cover both in one review. Everything I say about the Hugo can be applied to the Bruno, up until the section where I cover the functions of the remote itself, so hopefully this will be a more helpful way of looking at it.

The Hugo is a twin-motor, handsfree, wearable vibrating prostate massager and perineum stimulator, and by damn I’ve been looking for a good one of these for a long time. Over the years I’ve tried products from Rocks Off, Nexus, Jopen, and even Fun Factory, and they’ve all failed to cut the mustard in some way. Back at the end of last year, however, there did come a light at the end of the tunnel, and that was in the form of the L’Amourose Rosa – a unisex toy which performed excellently in this regard – and for this reason it’s the only product which I see fit to compare the Hugo to in this review. 
The Hugo is a fairly compact toy on the whole, especially when compared to the Rosa. In terms of length and girth the dimensions of the Rosa are akin to that of the Loki, whereas the Hugo has a maximum girth of just 4″ around the widest point, and an insertable length of 3 1/2″. The narrowest part of the Hugo is the 2 1/4″ circumference neck which sits just below the bulb, and this joins onto a 1 5/8″ wide base which balances safety with comfort. Extending forwards from the base is a 2 3/4″ long secondary arm which is designed to rest against the user’s perineum.
The shape of the Hugo is rather traditional for this type of toy, but that’s because there aren’t a lot of configurations you can go for when aiming for this type of stimulation. There are two “arms” on the device, one larger and one smaller, which together almost remind me of an opened lobster’s claw, ready to grab something. The larger arm is shaped like a smaller version of the Loki, with a gentle curve, nice bulbous portion towards the end, and a completely smooth surface throughout. This design is similarly mirrored on the smaller arm. 
The construction of the Hugo features the inclusion of two separate motors, each one being housed in the end of one of the arms. The core of the Hugo is made from a very firm ABS plastic, which in turn is covered entirely in a thin layer of soft velvety silicone, and this comes available in a choice of Obsidian Black, Ocean Blue, or a vibrant fuchsia colour. To my touch the thickness of silicone on the Hugo feels slightly less than that on the Loki, and the Rosa too, but there’s enough to provide a degree of cushioning still. The underside of the toy features the charging port, located at the heel next to a shiny faux-metal plate bearing the name “Lelo” embossed, and at the other end the recessed power button. The body of the toy is largely solid throughout, which makes a difference from the Rosa where the neck between the insertable bulb and the base is very flexible. Instead on the Hugo there’s a bit of flexibility built into the secondary arm, allowing for some adjustments depending on the user’s body. 
Inserting the toy is nice and easy to do with a touch of lube and no warm up required. It’s much more beginner-friendly than the larger Loki, and indeed the Rosa too. You don’t get that sense of fullness like you would from a larger toy, but you certainly get immediate feedback from that pincer-like arm configuration squeezing you inside and out. The shape of the internal arm puts a pleasant amount of pressure right bang on the prostate, exactly where it should be, providing instant stimulation. Likewise the secondary arm applies external pressure to the perineum, and because it’s that bit longer than the arm on most similarly-designed toys it actually hits the right spot, the spot that you’d instinctively go to touch if manually massaging your own perineum. The actual size of the toy becomes almost irrelevant, because you don’t think of how full it makes you feel, let alone have a chance to notice that it may be lacking in any way. That firm constant pressure on the prostate entirely dominates your sensory perception, and a lot of what’s enjoyable about larger toys anyway is that more fullness = more pressure on the prostate. It’s essentially a win-win when it comes it delivering a lot of sensation without needing to put in a lot of effort. 
Once the Hugo is in it stays in very happily thanks to the shape of the design and the narrow neck. This means you can do pretty much anything you can think of while wearing it, whether it be sex with a partner, some solo fun, or even giving your kitchen three coats of paint like me. It’s really not going to go anywhere, and thanks to the fairly unobtrusive base which slots comfortably between the buttocks you can even comfortably sit down whilst wearing it – provided it’s on a padded surface.
The vibrating function of the Hugo is operated by one single button located just beneath the bulb of the perineum arm, where it’s very easy to access and operate. Pressing the button twice will activate the Hugo and it starts up in constant vibration mode at full power. Both motors in the Hugo operate in unison, and this applies to all the patterns that are included, so whatever vibrations you’re feeling internally you’ll also be feeling externally. This is quite different to on the Rosa, which alternated between firing each motor, so the patterns were staggered, and personally I prefer the Lelo approach. Just like with the Loki the Hugo has 6 vibration patterns in total: constant vibration, steady pulses, rapid pulses, repeated increase in intensity from low to high, gentle increase from low to high and back down again, and lastly random mode which produces pulses with no set interval. Each time you press the button on the base it switches the unit to the next pattern, and once you reach the final pattern it loops back to the start again. To turn the unit off once you’re done the button must be held down for a couple of seconds. One minor drawback to the single-button design is that you can’t adjust the strength of vibrations from the unit itself. With the Hugo the separate remote must be used to decrease the vibration strength, and with the Bruno the power cannot be adjusted at all. I only classify this as a minor issue because as someone who loves strong vibrations I’m quite content to use it on full power all the time, and even with the remote I only played around with reducing the power for the sake of the review and haven’t felt the need to do it since. It all depends on the individual really; if you’re someone who perhaps isn’t quite so confident with this type of toy, and fears being overwhelmed by the vibrations, then the Hugo is probably more fitting for you than the Bruno due to the added control it offers. 
The vibrations of the Hugo are wonderfully strong and also quite rumbly. Despite its smaller size the vibrations of the Hugo felt more intense to me than those of the Loki, but I have a suspicion that this was due more to the combination of the shape of the toy pressing into the prostate, along with the power of the twin-motors, rather than something specific to the motors alone. Compared to the Rosa I’d say the Hugo is a little more powerful overall, but the Rosa has the slightly deeper and more rumbly feel to it, which is an interesting trade. The toy performs absolutely beautifully, and I could tell from the first instant that I turned it on that it was going to be a winner as my body greeted it with instant arousal. The way the motors harmonise and deliver simultaneous pulses into both the prostate and the perineum, coupled with the firm pressure applied to each region, just feels exquisite. As I said with the Loki I enjoy all of the different patterns that are available and none of them is a dud; you can even match the pattern to your activity, or the type of sex you’re having. A long slow pattern for drawn out sensual sex, or a faster pattern for really energetic sex. When it comes down to the end result though, orgasms with the Hugo are fantastic. They’re stronger, more intense, and sometimes even surprising. True body-shaking orgasms that’ll have you eager to get ready to try it again. 
One nice feature that the Hugo specifically has is the SenseMotion remote. It’s a wireless remote powered by four AAA batteries, which lets you (or indeed a partner) control every function of the Hugo without actually having to touch it. Very handy if you’re wearing it under clothes. When you turn on the remote at first it’ll begin vibrating softly in tune with the Hugo, and from here you can begin to cycle through the patterns of the toy or change the power level. At first I was puzzled by the vibrations of the remote, because they’re not strong enough to provide any sexual pleasure by themselves, and in fact you can thankfully turn them off to save power, but I realised that the real use of the vibrations is if a partner is operating the remote, as they provide convenient feedback in hand about what the wearer is feeling. The other functions of the remote are that it has two motion-sensitive settings, so instead of simply relying on a pre-set pattern you can create your own by waving the remote about. This is quite novel, if a bit gimmicky, but I feel sure it would be more entertaining if using it with a partner rather than by yourself, as they can surprise you with an unexpected jolt of vibrations at any time. One point I will make regarding the remote is that the patterns coming from the Hugo should feel the exactly the same when changed by the remote, as they do when changed by the button on the body. I draw attention to this because at first mine felt quite different and it turned out to be a fault in that unit, and when it comes to a new product it can be confusing trying to judge what’s supposed to happen or not. On the whole I do like having the remote for its convenience, but I could also happily live without it, which is worth bearing in mind given the price difference between the Hugo and Bruno.
Like the Loki the Hugo is rechargeable, comes with a USB charging cable rather than a wall plug, is 100% waterproof, giving you the option of safely using it in the bath or shower, and comes with a cloth storage pouch. It’s a fairly quiet toy when used indoors, but it’s not really discreet enough to be worn out in public.
So after another lengthy review it’s pretty easy to see how I’m going to be wrapping this up. I really do adore the Hugo. I’m going to go ahead and say that as far as I’m concerned it’s the perfect wearable vibrating prostate massager, seamlessly combining form and function. Top marks to Lelo for creating this; it’s going to be my go-to toy from now on. The only slight drawback, because there always has to be one, is that like with the Loki I’d still like it to be a little more rumbly. Comparing it to the Rosa is what really brought that home, and made me realise that I’m not crazy for saying that. The Hugo is the superior toy in so many ways, and the one I’d recommend, but the slightly more rumbly vibrations from the Rosa permeate that bit deeper into the prostate, like ground penetrating radar, and it’s a difference that’s enough to be felt. When you consider all the other fantastic features of the Hugo which make it a winner, like the shape, the power, the patterns, it matters less overall, but I can’t help but imagine the result if it had that extra oomph from a deeper vibration. 
Whether it’s the Hugo, or you shun the remote and go for the Bruno, I really do recommend getting one of these. It’s an incredible experience which is worth trying first hand. If you’ve never tried prostate massage before it’ll entirely change how you’ve ever thought about the idea of sex toys for men.
Many thanks to the folks at Nice ‘n’ Naughty who sent this to me to review for them, and you can buy the Hugo from them right now if you’re in the UK or Europe.
Nice n NaughtyCheck out the Lelo website if you live further afield, or SheVibe.

Big Teaze Toys VërSpanken™ and WaterWieners™

This week Nice ‘n’ Naughty have sent me the all new VërSpanken™ from Big Teaze Toys, and they were even kind enough to throw in some WaterWieners™ as well.
The VërSpanken™ is a totally new type of masturbator for men and I’ve been intrigued by the design of it for a little while now, so I’m excited to be trying it out, along with its interchangeable inserts, the WaterWieners™.

In the world of male masturbators there isn’t a great deal of variation amongst the designs; generally it boils down to a standard tubular sleeve with a textured interior. Some have a hard case, some don’t; some open up for cleaning, some are sealed; some are multi-use, some are disposable, but on the whole there’s a pretty tried-and-tested configuration which manufacturers stick to. What’s interesting about the VërSpanken™ is that it completely ignores all of that in favour of totally new approach, and this is something which I’m always pleased to see.
The design of the VërSpanken™ is something of a curiosity; it’s made from a hard plastic outer shell which houses two spongy rollers (known as FoamWieners™) within it, rather like a cross between a Victorian clothes mangle and a section of the obstacle course in Pat Sharp’s Funhouse. It comes in three different variations: the Smooth, the Wavy, and the Bumpy, and today I’m going to be primarily focussing on the Wavy. What’s clever about the design is that the rollers can be removed and are completely interchangeable, allowing you to swap them around and even mix and match. There’s also the option to replace them with the WaterWieners™ which are sold separately, and I’ll cover these in more detail later.
The plastic shell of the VërSpanken™ is hinged at one end and fastened by a clip at the other, which easily pops open allowing you full access to the interior, both for the purposes of swapping the rollers and cleaning the device. The rollers are fastened into position by two nubs in the material which pokes through a couple of holes on either side of the case, and this holds them firmly while still allowing them to be taken out with ease. The rollers themselves are made from some sort of a foam rubber which has been filled with air, like a miniature dirigible. The material has a slight odour to it; it reminds me of a mechanic’s workshop, or some sort of epoxy. It’s not really noticeable unless you press your nose right up to it, and I wouldn’t describe it as unpleasant, but perhaps my nose just has a taste for glue. The air-filled sausages turn out to be quite squishy, and though the foam-rubber walls do seem fairly thick, if you squeeze too hard then you’re liable to blow a bubble out of one of the sides of the material. On the wavy model there is a pattern of ridges built into the material, arranged in concentric ellipses like the race track in the Olympic stadium, and both patterned faces sandwich together when the VërSpanken™ is closed shut.
Using the VërSpanken™ is pretty straightforward and hassle-free, though it does come with an instruction booklet that contains several directions/suggestions, all illustrated rather coyly with the use of a banana, just in case any sex toy consumers out there might have their sensibilities offended by the alarming sight of a line drawing of a penis. You simply want to lube up the device and your penis, then slide it into place. The material is purported to be compatible with any type of lube, so feel free to go wild with those silicone and oil-based lubes which are usually the death-knell for any other masturbator. Because the rollers are so squishy you’ll find that your penis will slide into place with ease, without an excessive sense of tightness, so though it may look like a mangle it’s not going to have quite the same result. The best way I found to use the VërSpanken™ when thrusting was with the two handed approach, one placed on either side of the toy, and then thrusting up and down on the shaft. I was sat on my bed doing this rather rhythmically, starting to gently bounce up and down on the springs of my mattress in the process, when suddenly I realised that the way I was operating the toy made it look like I was using my penis as a pogo stick, which caused me a moment of amusement. Because the design of the toy causes it to make fairly minimal contact with the penis compared to other masturbators, you have the choice of how long of a thrust you want to make. A short thrusting action will focus the stimulation entirely on the head, while longer strokes will place more emphasis on the shaft. I found that using it on the shaft wasn’t very productive and I opted instead just to pop the head in and out of the rollers and concentrate on that. A medium length stroke is more likely to get the foreskin caught up in what’s going on, awkwardly dragging it back over the head in the up stroke and I didn’t find this entirely preferable just because of the way in which the rollers tended to grab onto it.
In terms of how the VërSpanken™ actually feels physically during use, I have to say that it’s a bit of a strange product; it’s not really stimulating enough in the ways that you want it to be, but at the same time it’s too stimulating in the ways that you don’t. Looking at the amount of sexual sensation and pleasure that it delivers it’s actually quite lacklustre and not all that exciting; I was playing around with it for a while and my reaction never really got above “it’s O.K.” or “it’s kind of nice.” There’s always going to be some degree of a nice feeling when you’re rubbing your penis with something, but I just wasn’t overly impressed, and at times I was even on the verge of being bored. When you then consider how it feels on the other side of things, just in terms of ordinary touch sensation, it can be a little uncomfortable during use. The FoamWieners™ themselves are soft on the whole, largely due to being filled with air, but the foam-rubber material that the exterior is made from is somewhat firm. Sliding your penis across the ridges of the Wavy design just isn’t like using the texture of any other masturbator; the material doesn’t give enough in the surface, so those bumps are mildly painful and they really offer nothing in terms of sexual satisfaction. I daresay that the smooth one would be better in this regard, but that still wouldn’t fix the issue with the sexual experience generally being a bland one. I suppose the crux of the matter is that at some point whilst playing with the toy I thought to myself “I’d rather be using by hand” and frankly that says it all. If you’re going to by a sex toy then it’s supposed to enhance things, not make you want to go back to what you were doing prior.
My experience with the WaterWieners™ was much the same as with the FoamWieners™, but with a couple of notable differences. I should mention first that the WaterWieners™ also come in the same three textures as the FoamWieners™: Smooth, Wavy, and Bumpy, and this time I had the Bumpy to try out. Much like with the Wavy prior I found the bumps on the Bumpy WaterWieners™ to feel uncomfortable against my penis, and also not especially conducive to delivering sexual satisfaction. The first real difference between the WaterWieners™ and the FoamWieners™ is that the WaterWieners™ are tighter. Because they’re filled with water rather than air they don’t really compress when you squeeze them, so it’s more difficult to force anything between the rollers. The instruction pamphlet does suggest that the VërSpanken™ can be used with the catch undone, so this is a good option to consider, especially for men with larger girth. If, however, you really do crave tightness from your masturbator, then you’ll probably prefer the WaterWieners™ over the FoamWieners™, and happily use it with the catch fastened. The other difference with the WaterWieners™ comes down to what you can do with them; the liquid centre allows you to alter the temperature of them, either heating them up in the microwave, or cooling them down in the fridge. You just need to be sensible about how you do this, because if you make them too hot then you’ll burn yourself, and if you put them in the freezer instead of the fridge then you’ll have two unusable blocks of ice until they thaw. The ability to change the temperature is a nice added feature over the regular FoamWieners™, especially if you enjoy sensory play.
On the whole I have to say that I wouldn’t be inclined to recommend the VërSpanken™ line of products; the  simple fact that I realised that my hand would have been preferable speaks volumes. It’s quite a reasonably priced piece, around half the cost of a Fleshjack, so it’s easy to be tempted, but I have to say that it would be a false economy. You can get some brilliant budget Tengas for even less so it’s worth weighing up your options. Strangely enough I do quite like the concept of the VërSpanken™ still, just not the execution, so it’s not something I’d write off completely. It’s different, and it’s got that going for it, especially with the mix and match concept, and with improvements I could see potential in the design, but in its current state I’d have to say no. It’s really a matter of the materials; uncomfortably rubbing myself between a couple of rubbery balloons, or water-balloons, with firm ridges/bumps just isn’t the road towards good orgasms, at least not in my case. If they used a material where the texture stimulated me in the right way, then we’d be talking.
Small Logo RedThe VërSpanken™ and WaterWieners™ are available from Nice ‘n’ Naughty