Anal sex. If only it all happened like in a porn scene. You know the one: boy meets boy, boy takes boy home, boy bends boy over the bed, enters him in one swift motion, then enjoys 20 minutes of pristine romping, interrupted only by the occasional change of position. Yeah, that one. That’s the ideal of sex that’s sold to gay men the world over, but really we all know that it’s just fantasy, and the reality is a little more involved.
So what are some key tips to make your bum-fun run a little more smoothly? Well I’ve got you covered below!
The first – and probably most obvious – thing you want to do is shower. It’s simple common courtesy to the person you’re with. We all know what that part of the body is used for 90% of the time, but no one wants to be thinking about that during sex, so make sure you’re as clean and fresh as that perfect hairless bootyhole your partner has in mind. This is especially important when you consider how mainstream rimming has become these days, and you know he’s gonna kiss you with that mouth that’s just eaten your ass.
Showering only takes care of the outside, “but what about the inside?” I hear you ask. Well here’s a fun fact: the rectum is a naturally self-cleaning part of the body. Provided you’ve recently been to the toilet, and you have a good diet, there really shouldn’t be any nasties lurking up there. You can go ahead and have sex without the worry of a load of mess. Diet does play a big role in this though, and you can probably tell by how much toilet paper you use each time whether you’re on the right track. The key is a high consumption of fibre, as this is what binds everything together, so if you can manage to eat more then great. If not then add a fibre supplement to your diet, such as psyllium husk, as it’ll make a world of difference.
So what if you don’t have a great diet, or you do but you still don’t feel confident that you’re clean enough? The next option is douching. I tend to separate douching into two categories, douching and enemas, and which you do will depend on what sort of anal play you’re planning to engage in. The majority of butt play takes place in the rectum, whether it be sex with a partner or using toys such as prostate massagers and plugs. The rectum is on average 5-6 inches deep, and as mentioned earlier is largely clean, but beyond this is 5ft of large intestine where days of old food matter can be stored.
For most people all you need to concentrate on is douching the rectum. This can be done using any number of readily available douches, such as syringe style, bulb style, and even special adaptors can be purchased for use with water bottles, all depending on your preference. You simply fill the douche with body-temperature water, then squirt a small amount into the rectum, hold it briefly, then expel it into the toilet. Repeat this until the water runs clear and you’ve successfully cleaned yourself out. One thing you want to avoid is over-douching. If you use too much water then some of it can travel up into the colon and get retained there, even after you think you’ve expelled everything. In the worst case scenario the body can decide to release this water at the most inopportune time, and I have heard tales of it happening to porn stars mid-sex. Not nice for you, for him, nor for your sheets.
If you want to try more advanced anal play, such as inserting long dildos, fisting, etc, then you’ll probably want to try an enema. This involves intentionally flooding the lower portion of the colon with water, and then waiting for it all to be flushed out. The benefit of this is that you can get deeper into the body without encountering anything unpleasant, but the downside is that you will generally have to wait a little time after to make sure all the water comes back out. A great piece of equipment for this is the Bathmate Hydrodouche, and you can even buy adaptors which screw straight onto your shower hose.
One word of warning about douching is that it can dehydrate that region of the body, this is partly a consequence of washing away the natural mucus inside the rectum, and partly a consequence of using pure water. The body doesn’t naturally contain any pure water, it’s all slightly salty, so if you wish to minimise the dehydrating effect you can choose to douche with a 0.9% saline solution, such as that found in enema kits available from pharmacies.
So you’re clean, you’re confident, you’re ready for something to go in, but it’s gonna need help. One of the most important things for anal sex is lube, and I’m afraid a little bit of spit just isn’t gonna cut it. The more lube you use the better – especially if you’ve just douched – and you want it everywhere. Put some around the hole, some around the toy / penis that’s going inside, and a real top tip is to squirt some lube inside you with a special lube-injector.
There are 3.5 main types of lube, and they’re all good for different purposes. There’s silicone based, water based, oil based, and a silicone-water “hybrid” lube.
The best lube for sex is silicone based. It’s slick, long-lasting, and condom safe. It’s also safe for use with some toys, but most people choose to err on the side of caution and keep it away from silicone toys as there have been reports of it damaging the finish on them. Downsides to silicone lube are that it’s not the most easy to clean up, and it can be more expensive.
The best all round lube is water-based. It can be used for any application, is readily available, and doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. The downside is that it can dry out during use as the water content evaporates, and some of the less-good varieties become gummy and tacky at this point, but you can often reactivate the lube by adding a little water.
Oil based lube is something which is only really good for certain applications. It should absolutely not be used for sex as oil will break down condoms rendering them ineffective. Oil based lubes generally tend to be favoured by people using larger toys, or fisting, due to their thick cream-like consistency.
Anal sex, more than any other, is one which requires proper foreplay. The last thing you ever want to do is just try to ram something in there. If you’re with another guy then a little bit of rimming and fingering at the outset is the perfect way to loosen up that tight muscle. If you’re playing around by yourself then don’t start too big, pick something with a gentle taper and go slowly, allow your body to adapt and steadily expand. A top tip is to pick the right position; whether you’re with a toy or a guy it can help to start out on top and lower yourself down. Let your body weight do all the work, while you set the pace. Staying relaxed is an important factor, but it’s not actually the key to successful insertion. The real trick is to push outwards with your sphincter at the same time as the object you’re trying to insert pushes up against it. This action tells your body that the muscle needs to prepare to dilate to allow something to pass through, and it doesn’t matter which direction that object comes from.
If you do want to save time with penetration then one of the things you can do is get the preparation work out of the way before a hook up. Loosen yourself up with a toy first, walk around for a while wearing a plug, and then when it comes time for sex you won’t have to start the entire process from scratch. A good tip is to try using a plug which is ever so slightly thicker than the dildo or penis you plan to have inside you. That way when the thrusting happens you won’t be stretched to your absolute limit, and will have a little wiggle room to make things more comfortable.
I think that’s about all I really have to say on this subject. I think I’ve covered all the bases, and I hope I’ve provided some useful tips. Just remember, the key to good sex is communication. Let your partner know what you like, or if something is uncomfortable, and you’re guaranteed to have a good time.