It’s time for me to review my first product acquired off the back of the ETO Show!
Normally I shy away from lube reviews because I find there are only so many things you can say before they all start to sound the same, but flavoured lubes are different and that little more exciting.
As I was moseying around the ETO Show last month I approached the EroPartner stand when something suddenly caught my eye. They had a poster on display which read “Candy Shop Milkshake Menu,” and on closer inspection it turned out to be a recipe card for drinks where the flavouring all came from lube.
Naturally I thought it was a joke at first, but it was enough to capture my attention, so I went to have a chat with Mischa – whose stand it was – and he told me that it was all quite serious, and that in past years they’d even made the milkshakes at the show and given them out.
This was enough for me to know that I had to try out the product, because if it was literally good enough to eat (er, drink?) then this had to be a pretty delicious flavoured lube, and as luck would have it they kindly sent me a bottle of each flavour to review. Just for fun I’ve included the milkshake recipes for anyone who’s interested, though I’m get to whip up a batch myself.
Flavoured lube has always seemed like a bit of a funny concept to me, because frankly I like the taste of sex. When I’m getting down and dirty with another person I have no problem with putting my mouth almost anywhere, but that isn’t true for everyone, so a flavoured lube can make oral sex a little more palatable.
If you’re like me though then there can still be great reasons to try a flavoured lube: 1) it adds a little variety to things, sure steak tastes great by itself, but steak with a sauce is a whole new dish. 2) If you’re using condoms or dental dams then flavoured lube can help mask that rubbery taste. 3) If you’re using lube to give a hand-job then it’s preferable to have something that tastes good so you can seemingly transition to a blow-job. 4) If you’re eating out a partner as foreplay to anal sex then why not have the lube already in place for when you move on to penetration?
The possibilities go on, and if you’ve ever thought of bringing food into the bedroom then let’s just say that a flavoured lube is less messy and has more practical purposes, so why not give it a shot?
The System JO Candy Shop comes in a range of three flavours – Butterscotch, Cotton Candy, and Bubble Gum – each sold in a compact 60mL bottle.
The ingredients are the same for all: Water (Aqua), Glycerin, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Potassium Sorbate, Flavour, Sodium Chloride, Sucralose, Citric Acid.
This is a thumbs up for anyone who finds they have a sensitivity to certain lubes, as they’re completely free from parabens, which tend to be the main cause of complaints. If you’re planning to use these lubes with a female partner though then you should check how she feels about glycerin, as there is some debate on the subject.
The first flavour we’ll look at is the Butterscotch. I absolutely love butterscotch, and I’m not ashamed to say that I still buy packets of butterscotch Angel Delight to have for pudding. The flavour of the lube is spot on and really delicious. It has that sweet buttery caramel-like taste that you’d expect, and is incredibly moreish. If you just squirt a blob of it on your finger and stick it in your mouth then it can seem almost too sweet, but when you spread it out over a body part it becomes more subtle and gives just the hint of flavour that you want. It seems to retain its flavour for a good amount of time too, gradually wearing off as you dilute it more with your saliva, but there’s never any after taste or suggestion that it’s actually lube that you’re eating. It’s so tasty that it could inspire me to give oral sex for an even longer time than usual.
Next up is the Bubble Gum flavour. Bubblegum is one of those things that I tend to associate with ice-cream more than anything else. Those rare sunny days of an English Summer when the ice-cream van would come chiming down the street, and you and every other kid in the neighbourhood would come roaring out, change tightly clutched in your fist. The flavour of the Bubble Gum tastes exactly like you remember the sauce tasting in a Screwball and brings back so many memories. It immediately hits you with that bold bubblegum smell as soon as you apply it, enticing you in to taste it, and when you do it does not disappoint. Again it’s not too sweet, but perhaps a tad sweeter than the Butterscotch. The flavour tastes slightly more artificial, but then so does real bubblegum flavour, so in that regard it’s perfectly accurate. Again there’s no aftertaste and it’s really enjoyable.
Finally we get to the Cotton Candy. Not to sound hard done by or anything but my mother never let me have candy floss as a kid. She was convinced that pure spun sugar would immediately rot my teeth, so I don’t really have a point of reference for this one. I do still have all my teeth though – cavity free – so maybe she was onto something. While I may have a snuck a small piece from a friend once when we visited the circus, it wasn’t enough to establish a lasting impression. The first thing I noticed about the Cotton Candy is that it smells like the fairground. Even if I can’t actually remember tasting candy floss that aroma hits your olfactory senses and takes you right back to ferris wheels, dodgem cars, and concession stands selling sweet treats. It tastes exactly how it smells, and it’s a familiar taste, like biting into a cotton candy Jelly Belly bean. It has that really authentic sugary flavour, with no suggestion at all that it’s coming from an artificial sweetener.
Frankly I think the flavours are amazing and I love them all. There’s something really comforting about these sweet flavours that remind you of warm childhood memories, and they just seem like the perfect thing to use with a familiar partner who brings out your silly goofy side. It’s the sort of thing that would be fun to apply on yourself, and then have a blindfolded partner taste, just to see their reaction. You could even sneak a dab of it under your foreskin before sex, just as a surprise for your partner to find.
The other question though is how they actually perform as a lube, because taste isn’t everything. The good news is that I was pleased with that aspect too. Just as a simple masturbation lube it works really well and feels slick and comfortable. It seemed to be reasonably long-lasting, but because it is a water-based lube you should expect it to naturally dry up over time, especially the more exposed to air that it is. I found that as it began to dry out it only started to feel very slightly tacky, rather than the gummy mess that some lubes can turn into, and the great news is that water-based lubes can always be reactivated by adding more water, and as these are flavoured lubes for oral sex that means that saliva will do the same trick!
I really am a huge fan of these lubes and I can’t recommend them enough, whether you’re someone who typically holds their nose while giving oral sex, or someone who loves it but wants to mix things up a little. They taste amazing and really inject some good playful fun into sex.
Many thanks to Mischa at EroPartner for sending me these lubes to review.
You can buy them from Harmony Store in the UK right now.